The price that we must pay

amelie

I've questioned it, parried with the thought, and run it through my head bout a hundred times, its hard to digest; that's all. Freedom comes at a heavy price, i'm not regretting, its not a warning. Just a statement, only those prepared to do whatever it takes to get it, the ones who hanker and lust for freedom can live up to that promise. It's not a challenge, its just a way of life. When you want freedom, you gotta establish yourself as worthy of it, not because someone owns your life and you must take their permission and shit, but cuz the world has thorns poking you from unlikely places, which you must be prepared to overcome.
Its better i don't speak abstract. Let's look at it another way, with freedom comes utmost responsibility.
'The more freedom we enjoy, the greater the responsibility we bear, toward others as well as ourselves.'

Oscar Arias Sanchez (1941 - )
Its true, once we deem ourselves unshackled from the chains of other people, any sort of bond, however deeply embodied, we get a lotta freedom, but we also lose their cushioning, the liberality experienced in being wrong once in a while. Its all 'a-long-time-ago' once you get your 'freedom' you have to lose carelessness, in case you wanna be heard and you wanna be taken seriously. Which everybody wants, since they're part of a growing society, which constantly throws questions and expects conscious, well thought of answers. I've undergone, as Hemant puts it, an oceanic change in the last few months. I have changed, from aimless, wandering minstrel - the cute lil bouncy thingy, to this solemn and serious (not all the time though) law aspirant, who wants to write a dissertation on cloning, go to Karwar and Goa during the hols, buy a cellphone, join NUJS next year. All these are goals; some months ago, i disagreed with goals themselves. Talk about change of mind!
I have slowly, after hard times of lobbying and striving, found my freedom. It was here all along, to emancipate myself in my head from all the sources and people who i think hurt me was all i needed to do. And now i have, I have my books, my friends, my hobbies, my 'hubby' (why isn't this a private blog?), my style - everything mine. I've never actually had that, my freedom was finding all that, within myself - and reveling in it.
I read a quote somewhere else, i don't know by whom, but it was lovely, "a person can do whatever he wishes to do, and he doesn't owe anyone anything except to stand by his act" It is so hard, to take up responsibility, to own up - God! ask me, but i've found my weaknesses and masked them, i've found my strengths and consolidated them, i'm still growing, but now in the right direction - not nowhere, but upwards. (god i wish i was being literal)
Nowadays, i'm not questioned as to where i'm going, what i'm doing and who i was with, of course, subject to reasonable restrictions - it makes me happy. I feel good about myself. The only way to shoulder responsibility is to assume it, take any passing chance; you must prove it, if you don't ask you don't get. Demand it, but make sure, when you get it, you know what you want to do with it.
For me, it is just the clarity of thought that i derive from this, not that i want to do something particularly scandalous that i don't wanna explain. I have a reason for everything that i do. And therefore the struggle for freedom. I love my freedom, but the bitch is high maintenance.