Can i say something?

amelie: July 2005

How many times have i asked for a chance?
Unable to prove my worth of deserving it?
how many times has it been denied?
and then, how many more times, will I lose?

How many times have i been told, "its alright" when its not.
It so is not. But i must nod, and blink the tears away.
Why do i secretly fear being labeled crazy? and pretend like i don't?
Am I in my right mind when i think that being different is gonna help from shielding the hurt?

I'm not different. okay? Deal with it.
I'm just the same as every other fucking person.
I want money, independence, and a mate.
Why do i think that wanting different things, will help heal the wound when i'm not able to achieve my normal goals?

I can be so happy. So simple.
We aren't trained to handle complications. We just like to think so.
I don't want to be somebody else, transfering someone's quote to my passion.
I'm not somebody else. Is there a way you can see it?
Is there a way to feel me, really, when you caress my naked body?
Have you found out yet? I don't know. I haven't let myself find out.
I keep fearing i'll pass out from the grief.

there isn't really a poetic sense to this, i just wrote this when i was feeling particularly miserable. Enjoy! Errr...or not, whatever!