Body as Livewire

I sing in the morning,
so my throat will open
and blackbirds will soar
from my gaping maw.

I lay on my back,

waiting to be straightened

for my spine to be settled

with a lumbar knock.

When I'm meditating,

and my fingers unfold

I feel a sudden tenderness

engulf my soul.

I can't really follow

how frequently i blink

but as I stare ahead

a power radiates within.

Sometimes I desperately wish

to be cracked open - like a walnut

with a mallet

and lulled into mush.

Every time I hope,

I'm keeping myself open

Letting all the world's joy and pain

Into my arms

Until I'm truly broken.

Every House

Every house I ever entered

whether to live in or breathe of -

- awhile, I would keep trying

To find the cornermost corner,

At the angle furthest from

When you enter the door.

And then when I encountered

each such corner, I sat down

in the comfortable darkened edge

yet to see the light of knowledge

-That usually pervaded a house -

of who I was, when I entered it.

Yesterday was different.

I had set myself up to fail,

And found that my last corner

Had in turn, turned upon me.

I turned back from my corner

To face the rest of the room

And I was awash in light.

It's been a bloody long time since I blogged, but I'm not going to dwell on that.

I'm not going to dwell on much, actually. Except to say that I have come back here, because it reminds me of a time when I looked into myself to understand my thoughts and to find sense in what I did, and so, who I was.

Even if I am not that same person any more, as would be the case with anyone after 5 years living an unchronicled, pretty much unhinged existence - I want to reconnect with this dear old identity I had. One I may not entirely recognize, or appreciate all the time, but certainly, this is still me. Somewhen.

And, I have been gripped with a fear that I will slowly, but surely, start losing my voice. Literally and metaphorically. I intend to seek out a music teacher over the weekend, (does anyone in Bombay know who's a good hindustani vocals teacher anywhere in central or south bombay?) and to find what I want, and say it the way I want to, with the words I used to covet as mine. If it is my opinion, and an interesting one, it won't just go on chat windows or into a ear and out the other.

And hopefully my writing will improve as well. It will feel good once I hit publish. But then, I should get down to changing the template and all that shizz. You'll be seeing more of me. :)