The pursuit of philosophi (Will Smith took my y)

I enjoy writing. It's one of the few things I truly enjoy engaging in, and when that doesn't work out well, like it didn't - so many times over the past year, when I'm at a loss to find words to string together to explain what it is that I'm feeling, I would be so terribly bothered by it. Because, well, it's not just about a pastime here. It was more like sustenance, I used to blog a lot more from home and after that, everything just got so disconnected and, um, random.

So I decided to do a blog post about that today. About the story when things started to go downhill for me, when I wasn't aware that I was indeed on top of a hill, when I had so much that I never knew I'd bargained for, and how...uh I'll save the punchline for later.

(Isn't there a justify on this thing?)

Yesterday I decided that there was a significance to the address of my blog - blackframedspectacles, although until now, I myself deemed it to be a random, get-people-to-wonder-bout-it sorta name. Yesterday, I decided upon its significance. It's a nice story, even if you don't know me personally. In fact, all the better for that.

Mom bought me those frames, I think the rage was Sania Mirza coupled with Kal Ho Naa Ho, that made mom acknowledge those hideous frames and bring them home because I was too lazy to go out to the shop and select some for myself. Let me say this for myself, or at least how it was then, that I was no great judge of appearances, accessorizing or the other appalling a's. I just went with the flow (of course, I did have judgments to pass on certain others, but they were none too scathing, and none had any effect on my general attitude) and didn't really find them much too bad.
But they were bad. In fact, the colour of my skin made it worse because of the contrast it created - thick black frames and sometimes alabaster-white skin. (I have tanned excessively now, but ANYway...)
I got through NUJS, came to Kol...blah blah, we know the story, and one night when I went down for dinner, I revealed them to the world. Everyone, as a rule, detested them. They didn't say it to my face, of course. People are polite when around I years. But that made it worse for me, because I tend to imagine, and speculate and ruminate and brood and just run myself to ruin solely with my thoughts. It's amazing how I can actually manage it, but I have created situations, problems within situations, the loss of a solution to that problem due to a turn of events within that imaginary situation and spewed the anger resulting from that on people. My alcove-mate was witness to one such hysterical outburst, and I asked her, very uncharitably, to leave my room. But I digress...

The spectacles, of course. I did have a different pair of spectacles, decent, thin ones but I lost them very soon, while I moved to my assigned room. So I realized I was stuck with this for a long time, and I didn't mind it much. Or so I thought.

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Day by day, there was a growing alienation between myself and my peers because of that introspection that I got lost in much so often, and it wasn't even that much fun. I would want to go out and have fun without a thought and yet something really strong would pull me back to my chair and keep me there.
And then a day came when everyone decided to tell me how much they hated me and those ugly blackframedspectacles. How they even hated my blog because of it, and they spat on my presence in cyberspace. They told me how they wished I was never born, and why I should get away from there as soon as possible.

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Now, this situation reminded me a lot of my time in kindergarten (not the paragraph directly above this, that's just bull) when I was mostly observant, very quiet and sometimes given to being bullied.
That kinda happened. And this year, I came back with new spectacles, and man, have things changed.
Life is very different now, here. I suppose my blog was just meant to stand as testimony to the role those spectacles have played in my life. The past they brought to life, the present that they made me value, and the future because I will turn them into a laser gun and burn anyone I look at through them.