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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Diary of a young girl

My preps were alright, although, I had started at 5:00 P.M and had stretched it upto 12:00 A.M in the night, (obviously which enormously leisurely breaks in the middle) which was when I decided 7 hours is too long for about 14 experiments. But even then I hadn’t got it firmly in my head, I couldn’t relate to the picture of the apparatus in my head the stuff I was reading about.
I stayed up till 2:00 A.M. doing this and that, and then went on the net (again). I’m telling you, this is addiction, if anything is.
I languished for about 40 mins, eM’d got a tattoo, inkblot’d written many love songs – some of which are so, so poignant; if I was still bitter about the past, I’d be crying buckets now.
Anyway, I finally got around to sleeping at 3:00 A.M, and I wasn’t anxious about waking up, for I’d had a pretty relaxed day and was well fed and rested. I had my physics final laboratory exam at 9:00 A.M, which gave me about 3-4 hours of sleep.
I asked my sister to wake me up, and blissfully dreamt away.

7:03 A.M
Dad: You’re supposed to have an exam today aren’t you? What’re you still doing in bed?
Me: (wrapping the sheets a little closer round myself) yeah, Aisha said she’ll wake me up. Leave me alone

***Blurry dreams***

8:35 A.M
Mom: What time is your exam Nia? (Nia: her nick for me)
Me: It’s at 9, lemme be. I didn’t sleep well last night.
Mom: (sharp gasp) What? Its 8:40!
Me: What the..? (And I could just stop myself from saying the f--- word)

***Blurry reality***

8:55 A.M

I got sis to drop me, I was a bloody wreck by the time I got to college.
I did a bit of pretentious, shoddy revision, y’know, the kind where nothing really goes into your head, but it seems to calm your psyche a little?

9:15 A.M
Teacher: You picked the tangent galvanometer, go over to table 3.

9:45 A.M
Thankfully, this was one experiment I’d actually enjoyed working, so I knew it pretty well. I had the formulae, the procedure, the circuit diagram and the tabular columns all drawn up and ready.
I got it checked by the external examiner who gave me a glance and asked me to write neatly.
I trudged back to my table to make the circuit connections and perform the experiment, and in five minutes I began to black out, and come back.
My white knuckles held on to the bar below the table for dear support; I was shaking, sweating, inexplicable things were happening to me. I shut my eyes for one long minute, and held the coil of the T.G in my hands to align the pointer needle.
And I fell on it. No typo. I fell on the coil.

The EE was standing nearby, and he got the lab attendant to sit me down, and give me some water. I actually thought the bottle of water was heavy! By this time I was sweating profusely, and getting the faintly feeling. It’s this thing when you feel sleep is so overpowering you just cannot care about anything else. I just wanted to curl up and snore right there.
The EE told me to take my time and be calm, he told me not to worry or get too tensed. I yawned at him.
In my head, I was teetering between telling the teacher I just wanted to go home, or doing the experiment and heroically triumphing at it. The egotist in me finally took the latter option.
So after about 10 minutes of sitting, drinking water, and watching other people do their experiments and look over their shoulders at me from time to time, I stood up to turn on the switch and record the ammeter readings.
I felt the barf rise up from my stomach. I desperately looked around for a sink, found one, ran to it, and threw up massively. I threw up for 2 minutes straight. The lone chocolate I’d had the night before seemed to have made its exeunt. I hadn’t eaten anything since 2:00 the previous night.
But puking made all the difference. I felt much better, cleaner (don’t ask how), and fitter. Less faintly. I got the logarithm table, did my experiment, recorded the values, and got some fuckall value I didn’t even care to verify.
I submitted my paper, barely had the energy to walk down the stairs even. I met this girl I’d once bought lunch for. I went up to her and asked her to take me home, no questions nothing. Not even a hi.
She did take me home (Bless her!)
And I dragged my feet to my room, flopped down on the bed, and slept for an hour.

Since then, I’ve been doing nothing but talk about it; right now I’m typing it. And I’m getting people to do stuff for me for pauvre moi is sick.
Me (with bambi eyes): I wanted the Appy fizz if you’re going toward the supermarket…

Bam! A bottle of Appy fizz in the fridge!

Me: Can you get me some ice-cream? I’ve been feeling a little woozy, I think I need to cool my system (whatever that means!)

(Well, that’s pending. Sis isn’t back home yet. But I’m so gonna get it)

Parting shot: Turns out the value I got was right. So I rock! But not so much, my habits suck.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

The rebel without a cause

17.

Friggin' old.

Although,
the thing that does matter,
Is the thing inside me
which is what my blog is all about.

one more year before I can take a car out, run over all the people that piss me off, and then drive off a cliff, and fall off an endless abyss.
Maybe like James Dean.
Maybe burning out is better than fading away.. yeah. (Thanks, Mr.Young. Forever Indebted)

peace out.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

One of them now

I’m one of them now.
I feel stark sorrow and joy.
I talk in decipherable terms;
I’m civil, I wonder of harmless happenings
I have chained my neurons
To the mundane textbooks of today
I speak of winning, as if there is only one way
I dare not, of a path untrodden.
It pains me deepest, the thought that the switch
May be permanent, not sth guided by will
Become something I can settle for, be calmer with.
I used to wander, free, unbridled.
I would laugh, and cry, and my eyes would round
At the death of innocence
I have a pace, a path now. Did I ask for this?
Or did I not, and was it thrust?
Sadly, I may never know.
Much more sadly, even, I may never seek it.